


Above the Lava

by KaiBlue



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Dadza, Gen, Logstedshire, Suicidal Thoughts, dream saves tommy, exiled, l'manburg, no actual suicide, sad Tommy, tw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:53:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27909274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaiBlue/pseuds/KaiBlue
Summary: *spoilers for December 4th and on!!*TW: suicidal thoughts!Tommy was exiled. He can't even go back to look at a Christmas tree. He wonders... is it really all worth it? As he's standing above this lava pool, he thinks not.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 330





	Above the Lava

**Author's Note:**

> Tommy's thoughts as he stood over the lava pool in his stream.

Tommy was holding back tears as Dream, Sapnap, and Ghostbur went through the portal to see the Christmas tree. In the land he was exiled from.  
The reality of his situation hit him once again, the loneliness crashing down like a wave. Sure, he had Ghostbur… when he wasn’t accidentally rubbing it in that he himself wasn’t exiled and could come and go as he’d like. But he was stuck in fucking _Logstedshire_.

His mind clouded over with grief, he turned to the edge of the blackstone path, looking over into the giant pools of lava that lay beneath him. It would be so easy. He was on his last life, after all. And surely they couldn’t exile the dead, right?

As he stared into the fiery depths, he could hear the other’s excited yells traveling through the portal. He didn’t bother listening to what they were saying.

He inched even closer to his own death. Another step, and he would be gone. Last life lost to his own loneliness.

Vaguely, he could remember Phil telling him once when he was very young about lives, and never to risk losing them.

_“You have to promise me, Toms, that whatever happens you will be careful with your lives. You only have three. And then you're gone,” His father had said. The usual amusement and good natured humor gone from his eyes, replaced with a darker look._

_Tommy nodded, “Of course, dad! I ain’t no dummy!”_

_A sad smile found its way onto Phil’s face, “There may come a day, Tommy, that you think it would be best to lose a life. That losing a life will make you happier. If… if that ever happens you have to talk to me. Or Techno or Wilbur. Anybody. Someone who can help you, alright?”_

_The boy didn’t respond, eyebrows furrowed in confusion._

_“Toms, promise me. Promise me, please.”_

_He didn’t really know what he was promising his father, but he didn’t like his words. Or the way he was saying them. They sounded all sad. So Tommy nodded in agreement, wrapping his little arms around his dad to try and soothe him, as he’d done for him many a time._

As he grew older, Tommy eventually realized what Phil had meant. If he was ever feeling suicidal. Like… like he was now. But there wasn’t even a way to talk to Phil. Not when he was exiled, and not when Dream had exploded his communicator along with all his other items.

Everything he’s worked toward for… for months just… out of his reach. Forever, probably. It’s not seeming likely that Dream will un-exile him. And apparently, Tubbo just bends to Dream’s will now.

Tubbo. Oh, Tubbo. His dearest friend. For as long as he could remember, Tommy and Tubbo have always been by each other's side. Even joining the Dream SMP together. But now if Tommy even took one step to go see him, he would be killed on sight.

But did he even want to see Tubbo anymore? Especially when he blatantly said that the discs don’t matter? Nevermind the fact that the main reason they hold any significance to Tommy was that was the first thing they did on the Dream SMP together. All the memories attached to them.

He can’t decide what hurts more. Being exiled by his supposed best friend, or being told that their achievements together don’t matter.

 _God fucking damnit,_ Tommy thinks, raising one foot off the ground. _Is it really worth it?_ A tiny part of his mind was whispering _yes, it is worth it._ But the majority was screaming no. Who was he to reject the majority vote?

Closing his eyes, he leaned forward just slightly-

He felt himself being pushed away from the ledge. Opening his eyes, he stared at the masked figure in bewilderment. He didn’t even notice him come back through the portal. Tommy could see the tenseness in his body, despite the heavy armor.

“Come on, now.” Dream whispered. Although Tommy couldn’t see his expression, he could imagine it. His lips would be tugged into a frown, and eyebrows furrowed just slightly.

He paid Dream’s words no mind, instead turning back to the lava. He almost wanted to laugh at the irony. The man who just moments ago was threatening to kill him if he walked through a _portal_ was now trying to keep him from taking the life himself.

Before he could take the final step, he was once again pushed off to the side. He grit his teeth in frustration, but turned around and started walking back to the portal that would take him back to Logstedshire. _What a dumb name._

An uncharacteristically soft voice called out from behind him, “It’s not your time to die, Tommy.”

The blond boy just snorted at his enemies words, “It’s never my time to die.”

He didn’t turn around when Ghostbur called for him to wait up, nor when Dream tried (and failed) to start conversation.

He didn’t smile when he was handed the blurry photo of the Christmas tree, knowing he would never be able to see it in person. It only hurt him to look at. Still, he put on a facade when he saw Ghostbur looking at him with hope in his pale grey eyes.

“Christmas!”

Oh, Ghostbur.


End file.
